September 2013-Top 10 Tips on Handling Strong Emotions
When kids are upset or crying, sometimes it is hard to know how to handle these strong emotions. Tina Bryson, co-author of The Whole-Brain Child, discusses 10 key strategies for parents when helping kids when they have difficult emotions. Here is a brief summary of her strategies:
1. Be Emotionally Responsive. It is important to first "connect" with kids on an emotional level before redirecting to another behavior. This is called Connect and Redirect. Validate their feelings, no matter how you feel about why they are feeling them.
2. Choose to Comfort Rather Than Threat. When parents react, children react. When parents escalate, children escalate. It is a primal reaction we all have as humans. Try and get below their eye level, not straight on. This will instantly calm them and they will not feel threatened by you.
3. Use a Sensory Motor Lens. Be aware of extra stimuli that may be causing the situation to escalate. Practice calm body language and ask your child to "pretend" they are calm, brave, etc. With enough practice, this will actually teach and help them to be calm.
4. Be Curious-Ask Why? We tend to assume we know why a child or student is acting a certain way. We might be wrong. At first remain open and be curious to the possibilities of why they might be acting a certain way.
5. Wait for the Teachable Moments. Don't correct behavior when children are emotive. Remember rule #1, connect and then redirect.
6. Cover the Basics. Make sure to monitor sleep, nutrition and self-care. A lack of sleep can make anyone grumpy or on edge.
7. Use Collaborative Problem-Solving. Problem-solve (when they are calm) and come up with solutions together. Go to www.livesinthebalance.org for more details on this technique.
8. Distinguish between a Can't and a Won't. For some kids, certain tasks or behaviors are just not mastered. Flexibility is a good example of this. Try and filter out what is opposition versus what is not a skills they have at this time.
9. Uncover and Challenge Theories. Some parental theories don't work for certain kids. Not every child responds to behavior modification or time-outs. The theories may be found in solid research but it might not be the match for your child.
10. Allow Development to Happen. It is amazing what time can do to solve some developmental concerns. Maturity, experience and trial and error really help kids to master skills. :)
I highly recommend the book that Tina co-authored, The Whole Brain Child by Tina Bryson and Daniel Siegel. The book contains an enormous amount of very practical strategies that I hope to cover in another monthly tip.
Thanks,
Jennifer Moyer-Taylor
1. Be Emotionally Responsive. It is important to first "connect" with kids on an emotional level before redirecting to another behavior. This is called Connect and Redirect. Validate their feelings, no matter how you feel about why they are feeling them.
2. Choose to Comfort Rather Than Threat. When parents react, children react. When parents escalate, children escalate. It is a primal reaction we all have as humans. Try and get below their eye level, not straight on. This will instantly calm them and they will not feel threatened by you.
3. Use a Sensory Motor Lens. Be aware of extra stimuli that may be causing the situation to escalate. Practice calm body language and ask your child to "pretend" they are calm, brave, etc. With enough practice, this will actually teach and help them to be calm.
4. Be Curious-Ask Why? We tend to assume we know why a child or student is acting a certain way. We might be wrong. At first remain open and be curious to the possibilities of why they might be acting a certain way.
5. Wait for the Teachable Moments. Don't correct behavior when children are emotive. Remember rule #1, connect and then redirect.
6. Cover the Basics. Make sure to monitor sleep, nutrition and self-care. A lack of sleep can make anyone grumpy or on edge.
7. Use Collaborative Problem-Solving. Problem-solve (when they are calm) and come up with solutions together. Go to www.livesinthebalance.org for more details on this technique.
8. Distinguish between a Can't and a Won't. For some kids, certain tasks or behaviors are just not mastered. Flexibility is a good example of this. Try and filter out what is opposition versus what is not a skills they have at this time.
9. Uncover and Challenge Theories. Some parental theories don't work for certain kids. Not every child responds to behavior modification or time-outs. The theories may be found in solid research but it might not be the match for your child.
10. Allow Development to Happen. It is amazing what time can do to solve some developmental concerns. Maturity, experience and trial and error really help kids to master skills. :)
I highly recommend the book that Tina co-authored, The Whole Brain Child by Tina Bryson and Daniel Siegel. The book contains an enormous amount of very practical strategies that I hope to cover in another monthly tip.
Thanks,
Jennifer Moyer-Taylor