March 2013-Parent Tip On Blended Families
Being a step-parent in a blended family can be an adjustment. Sometimes second marriages for children will bring up strong emotions and is an adjustment. The children have probably hoped their divorced parents were going to get back together and when a parent is remarried, this hope and dream has been shattered. There is a loss for children and it is important to validate this and discuss this with your children. It is also a good idea to talk with your new spouse about discipline issues and how to co-parent together. Here are some tips to keep in mind for blended families:
1. Thinking of step-parent role more like an aunt, friend, coach, at first. It is more important for the stepparent to connect with the new children first and foremost instead of disciplining them. Work on creating a close connection and acceptance first.
2. Stay neutral. Try not to get pulled in the middle between your new spouse and the children. Only join in when your spouse needs your support-otherwise, allow the spouse to handle behavior of a child.
3. Get a hobby. Allow your spouse to have alone time with his/her children without you. This will strengthen your marriage as well as the childrens' relationship with their parent.
4. Offer help. Offer your help to children in regards to homework, sports, conflict resolution with friends, etc. If they turn you down for help, don't take it personally- just let them know you are available.
5. Family meetings are helpful. Once you have bonded with the children, it will be time to share the discipline with the children. Share the rules and consequences with the children in a family meeting format to show you and your spouse as a team.
Hopefully, following some of these tips will help make this transition into a blended family smoother and more positive.
Thanks,
Jennifer
Reference:
Epstein, S. (2007). Taking back your parenting power system. New London, Shining Star
Publishing.
1. Thinking of step-parent role more like an aunt, friend, coach, at first. It is more important for the stepparent to connect with the new children first and foremost instead of disciplining them. Work on creating a close connection and acceptance first.
2. Stay neutral. Try not to get pulled in the middle between your new spouse and the children. Only join in when your spouse needs your support-otherwise, allow the spouse to handle behavior of a child.
3. Get a hobby. Allow your spouse to have alone time with his/her children without you. This will strengthen your marriage as well as the childrens' relationship with their parent.
4. Offer help. Offer your help to children in regards to homework, sports, conflict resolution with friends, etc. If they turn you down for help, don't take it personally- just let them know you are available.
5. Family meetings are helpful. Once you have bonded with the children, it will be time to share the discipline with the children. Share the rules and consequences with the children in a family meeting format to show you and your spouse as a team.
Hopefully, following some of these tips will help make this transition into a blended family smoother and more positive.
Thanks,
Jennifer
Reference:
Epstein, S. (2007). Taking back your parenting power system. New London, Shining Star
Publishing.