Social and Emotional Coaching Tips
Entertaining video about the difference between empathy and sympathy...
You are the best person to teach your child social skills!
Emotional coaching – How to help your child self-regulate, problem-solve and build resiliency. Research shows kids who felt heard and understood were the most resilient.
o 1. Acknowledge their feelings. “You sound upset. I’m interested in hearing more. When you’re calmer we can talk about it.” As much as you may want to, don’t try to jump in and “fix” their feelings. When you do that, you’re inadvertently communicating “those types of feelings are not ok and don’t belong here.” It also helps children to learn that they can tolerate uncomfortable feelings, which is a crucial coping skill. You want to be empathic, not sympathetic.
o 2. Build a vocabulary of feelings for your child. Embarrassed, discouraged, ashamed, irritable, etc. The more feeling words a child has in their vocabulary to identify and describe their feelings, the more understood and “seen” they feel.
o 3. Allow them to make their own action plan. Research shows that children who come up with their own plans to problems become better predictors and problem-solvers, which helps to build resiliency. If they can come up with 2 or 3 action plans, that’s even better!
Emotional coaching – How to help your child self-regulate, problem-solve and build resiliency. Research shows kids who felt heard and understood were the most resilient.
o 1. Acknowledge their feelings. “You sound upset. I’m interested in hearing more. When you’re calmer we can talk about it.” As much as you may want to, don’t try to jump in and “fix” their feelings. When you do that, you’re inadvertently communicating “those types of feelings are not ok and don’t belong here.” It also helps children to learn that they can tolerate uncomfortable feelings, which is a crucial coping skill. You want to be empathic, not sympathetic.
o 2. Build a vocabulary of feelings for your child. Embarrassed, discouraged, ashamed, irritable, etc. The more feeling words a child has in their vocabulary to identify and describe their feelings, the more understood and “seen” they feel.
o 3. Allow them to make their own action plan. Research shows that children who come up with their own plans to problems become better predictors and problem-solvers, which helps to build resiliency. If they can come up with 2 or 3 action plans, that’s even better!
For more coaching around a specific social skill and/or behavior, please read below:
The Social Autopsy Technique
1. Ask your child to explain what happened. Have him/her start at the beginning. It is important to not interrupt and act nonjudgmental. Ask child to identify the mistake he/she made. This is a critical part because if the child does not know what he/she did wrong, change cannot occur.
3. Assist the child in determining the actual social error that he/she made. Discuss the error and the social responses. Important: use the word “could” versus “should”. For example, “You could have asked to take the next turn because you had been waiting…” This strategy of using “could” underscores that children have options in social situations.
4. Adult creates a similar scenario and creates a social story where the child is asked to generate a response to the made up scenario in order to demonstrate his/her ability to generalize and apply the target skill.
5. Social homework is strongly recommended. Child is asked to use target skill in another setting and report back to the adult when this had been done.
Remember-social coaching is supportive, nonjudgmental, and structured to foster social competence. It is teaching problem-solving skills and is most effective when used immediately following a problem situation. It is not a onetime “cure-all” but ongoing teaching moments that are not for scolding or punishment. The process is controlled by the adult.
By Rick Lavoie. For more information on social coaching, please go to http://www.ldonline.org/article/14910/
The Social Autopsy Technique
1. Ask your child to explain what happened. Have him/her start at the beginning. It is important to not interrupt and act nonjudgmental. Ask child to identify the mistake he/she made. This is a critical part because if the child does not know what he/she did wrong, change cannot occur.
3. Assist the child in determining the actual social error that he/she made. Discuss the error and the social responses. Important: use the word “could” versus “should”. For example, “You could have asked to take the next turn because you had been waiting…” This strategy of using “could” underscores that children have options in social situations.
4. Adult creates a similar scenario and creates a social story where the child is asked to generate a response to the made up scenario in order to demonstrate his/her ability to generalize and apply the target skill.
5. Social homework is strongly recommended. Child is asked to use target skill in another setting and report back to the adult when this had been done.
Remember-social coaching is supportive, nonjudgmental, and structured to foster social competence. It is teaching problem-solving skills and is most effective when used immediately following a problem situation. It is not a onetime “cure-all” but ongoing teaching moments that are not for scolding or punishment. The process is controlled by the adult.
By Rick Lavoie. For more information on social coaching, please go to http://www.ldonline.org/article/14910/