November 2009-Parent Tip on Divorce/Separation
Handling Separation and Divorce with Your Children
First of all, as a parent, it is important for you to receive your own support and care as you are going through separation and divorce. This is a grieving process, the death of a dream and before you can help your child, you need to take care of yourself.
That being said, let's move on to how to talk with your child or children. Whether or not you're getting along or in agreement about the divorce with your spouse, it is important to talk with your
child(ren) together. It is also important to talk to you child(ren) when the actual physical separation is coming soon, otherwise it is more anxiety producing to wait for something to happen in the future.
It is important to stress that the divorce/separation is not your child's fault. However old they are, you do need to verbalize this because they will take on the blame for the conflict otherwise. It is also important to not say anything negative about your former partner in front of your child (I know this can be tough) because if you criticize his/her, it is as if you are criticizing your child. They are one half of their mom or dad, so their identity if very much part of each parent. It is also very important to let the important people in your child's life such as their teachers and close family friends so they can also offer support and guidance if needed.
Developmentally your child will be going through different grief stages and their behavior will be determined by age, temperment and other factors. A very good resource is a book titled "Helping Your Child Cope With Divorce The Sandcastle's Way" by M. Gary Neuman. Other resources for you and your child are located in the "Bibliography for Parents" and "Bibliography for Children" in the menu to the left on this website.
If you have any other questions and would like more support on this issue, please feel free to contact me at 206-329-3260 X220.
Thanks!
Jennifer Moyer-Taylor
First of all, as a parent, it is important for you to receive your own support and care as you are going through separation and divorce. This is a grieving process, the death of a dream and before you can help your child, you need to take care of yourself.
That being said, let's move on to how to talk with your child or children. Whether or not you're getting along or in agreement about the divorce with your spouse, it is important to talk with your
child(ren) together. It is also important to talk to you child(ren) when the actual physical separation is coming soon, otherwise it is more anxiety producing to wait for something to happen in the future.
It is important to stress that the divorce/separation is not your child's fault. However old they are, you do need to verbalize this because they will take on the blame for the conflict otherwise. It is also important to not say anything negative about your former partner in front of your child (I know this can be tough) because if you criticize his/her, it is as if you are criticizing your child. They are one half of their mom or dad, so their identity if very much part of each parent. It is also very important to let the important people in your child's life such as their teachers and close family friends so they can also offer support and guidance if needed.
Developmentally your child will be going through different grief stages and their behavior will be determined by age, temperment and other factors. A very good resource is a book titled "Helping Your Child Cope With Divorce The Sandcastle's Way" by M. Gary Neuman. Other resources for you and your child are located in the "Bibliography for Parents" and "Bibliography for Children" in the menu to the left on this website.
If you have any other questions and would like more support on this issue, please feel free to contact me at 206-329-3260 X220.
Thanks!
Jennifer Moyer-Taylor