March/April 2015-Parent Tip On Fostering Independence from Kindergarten Through 8th Grade
Fostering Independence from Kindergarten and Beyond
Whether your child is in kindergarten or 8th grade, it is important to foster growth and independence. This looks differently with each year of school but the intention is to grow responsible, compassionate, and self-sufficient human beings. Here is a look at what might boost these skills through the years:
Kindergarten-2nd
Say goodbye at the front door or in the hallway-ask them to unpack their backpack, take out their folder for class, and wish them well for their day. Resist going into the class to get them settled-this sends the message that they cannot do this on their own.
Begin household chores and ask them to do these without payment. Praise them for their hard work and effort. Set in place morning and evening routines. Discuss how these are similar to school routines. Allow for unstructured play. This builds decision-making neurons in their brain. When there are arguments or small problems, refer to Kelso’s Choices. Ask them what they think would help. Allow freedom in playing in backyard or front yard by themselves.
3rd -5th
Say goodbye at the parking lot. Wish them well for their day. Help them create a checklist they can look at before and after school to make sure they have their homework and materials for school. Let the checklist be their "go-to" guide for making sure they have everything. Allow for natural consequences if they don’t get their work done. Partner with teacher to foster this independence and responsibility.
Have them do their homework with you nearby but not overseeing everything. Set parameters around how much time they need to spend on homework; for example, their grade times 10. Continue with regular routines and chores for helping around the house. Set up added chores for pay if they wish to earn money. Teach them about saving, giving and spending to build all three financial “muscles”. Hold them accountable for their grades and offer guidance-but not rescuing. Teach them problem-solving steps when friendships shift and fluctuate. Allow for unstructured play time with friends. This continues to be important.
6th – 8th
Hold them accountable for their grades. Allow for frustration and challenge and teach the growth mindset. Focus on process, not product. Tell your teen the magic word “YET” when they are frustrated. “I know that you don’t understand this YET” “You are not feeling completely comfortable with this subject YET" This teaches them that with practice and work, they can get it eventually. Problem-solve with them about solutions to help with organization and raising grades, if needed. Resist negative talk about teachers or school. Coach them to problem-solve and make decisions around school and school friends. Give independence around their choices for after school activities with the understanding that they need to meet expectations.
Continue with more complex chores-Kitchen duty, etc. Continue to offer added chores for money. Hold them accountable for their homework and remember to state your expectations and what the consequences would be if these are not met. Remember-everything besides love, food, clothes, shelter is a privilege. Cheer them on without taking over and rescuing them. Older kids should be able to set an alarm and wake up on their own, make their lunch and do their homework without asking. Empathize and validate their feelings when there are social and emotional concerns. At the dinner table, have them bring a current event or news story to the table to discuss. Ask about how they feel about the different issues in the world. Validate their perspective. This builds confidence and critical thinking skills. Allow more freedom in where they can play-if there is a local park nearby or basketball court; allow for more independence in walking/biking to the park with their friends or walking to the local store. Scaffold more freedom whenever you can.
As a parent it is also important to make sure you are also following through on your promises and statements. This models responsibility and trust.
**All kids do not fit a “one size fits all” strategy for independence and responsibility. Tailor the strategies to your own child/teen. You know him or her best!
Thank you,
Jennifer Moyer-Taylor
Whether your child is in kindergarten or 8th grade, it is important to foster growth and independence. This looks differently with each year of school but the intention is to grow responsible, compassionate, and self-sufficient human beings. Here is a look at what might boost these skills through the years:
Kindergarten-2nd
Say goodbye at the front door or in the hallway-ask them to unpack their backpack, take out their folder for class, and wish them well for their day. Resist going into the class to get them settled-this sends the message that they cannot do this on their own.
Begin household chores and ask them to do these without payment. Praise them for their hard work and effort. Set in place morning and evening routines. Discuss how these are similar to school routines. Allow for unstructured play. This builds decision-making neurons in their brain. When there are arguments or small problems, refer to Kelso’s Choices. Ask them what they think would help. Allow freedom in playing in backyard or front yard by themselves.
3rd -5th
Say goodbye at the parking lot. Wish them well for their day. Help them create a checklist they can look at before and after school to make sure they have their homework and materials for school. Let the checklist be their "go-to" guide for making sure they have everything. Allow for natural consequences if they don’t get their work done. Partner with teacher to foster this independence and responsibility.
Have them do their homework with you nearby but not overseeing everything. Set parameters around how much time they need to spend on homework; for example, their grade times 10. Continue with regular routines and chores for helping around the house. Set up added chores for pay if they wish to earn money. Teach them about saving, giving and spending to build all three financial “muscles”. Hold them accountable for their grades and offer guidance-but not rescuing. Teach them problem-solving steps when friendships shift and fluctuate. Allow for unstructured play time with friends. This continues to be important.
6th – 8th
Hold them accountable for their grades. Allow for frustration and challenge and teach the growth mindset. Focus on process, not product. Tell your teen the magic word “YET” when they are frustrated. “I know that you don’t understand this YET” “You are not feeling completely comfortable with this subject YET" This teaches them that with practice and work, they can get it eventually. Problem-solve with them about solutions to help with organization and raising grades, if needed. Resist negative talk about teachers or school. Coach them to problem-solve and make decisions around school and school friends. Give independence around their choices for after school activities with the understanding that they need to meet expectations.
Continue with more complex chores-Kitchen duty, etc. Continue to offer added chores for money. Hold them accountable for their homework and remember to state your expectations and what the consequences would be if these are not met. Remember-everything besides love, food, clothes, shelter is a privilege. Cheer them on without taking over and rescuing them. Older kids should be able to set an alarm and wake up on their own, make their lunch and do their homework without asking. Empathize and validate their feelings when there are social and emotional concerns. At the dinner table, have them bring a current event or news story to the table to discuss. Ask about how they feel about the different issues in the world. Validate their perspective. This builds confidence and critical thinking skills. Allow more freedom in where they can play-if there is a local park nearby or basketball court; allow for more independence in walking/biking to the park with their friends or walking to the local store. Scaffold more freedom whenever you can.
As a parent it is also important to make sure you are also following through on your promises and statements. This models responsibility and trust.
**All kids do not fit a “one size fits all” strategy for independence and responsibility. Tailor the strategies to your own child/teen. You know him or her best!
Thank you,
Jennifer Moyer-Taylor