January 2014-Parent Tip on "Flipping Your Lid"
I wanted to continue sharing the wisdom of Daniel Siegel and Tina Bryson, authors of The Whole-Brain Child. Last month I discussed 2 of their 12 strategies. This month I wanted to discuss strategies number 3 and 4. The image above is a picture of a person who has "flipped her lid". This has to do with strategy #3 Engage, Don't Enrage. This is all about helping your child integrate the upstairs and downstairs parts of their brain. The upstairs part of the brain is in charge of planning, thinking, organizing, and using judgement. The downstairs part of the brain (where the limbic system lives) is about our primitive responses; fight, flight and freeze. It is where we feel intense emotions such as fear, anger, and others. It is also where breathing, blinking, and other automatic responses live. Here is a link that does a good job of describing the concept I am discussing and where the image above came from: http://www.sustainableparenting.com/parenting-worksheets/flipping-your-lid-story-book/.
When I work with kids at the school, I teach them about the hand model of the brain. Imagine your hand is a basic model of the brain where the thumb tucked inside the palm is the limbic system and the fingers cover it and make a fist. The fingers represent the thinking part of the brain (the upstairs) and the thumb tucked underneath is the emotional/primitive (limbic system, downstairs) part of the brain. When kids don't get their strong emotions under control (or parents), they "flip their lid" and lose control over their choices and judgements. It is essential to teach them deep breathing and naming their feeling to engage their thinking part of the brain. That is where the third strategy "Engage, Don't Enrage" comes into play. Below is a video of Dan Siegel discussing this concept.
When I work with kids at the school, I teach them about the hand model of the brain. Imagine your hand is a basic model of the brain where the thumb tucked inside the palm is the limbic system and the fingers cover it and make a fist. The fingers represent the thinking part of the brain (the upstairs) and the thumb tucked underneath is the emotional/primitive (limbic system, downstairs) part of the brain. When kids don't get their strong emotions under control (or parents), they "flip their lid" and lose control over their choices and judgements. It is essential to teach them deep breathing and naming their feeling to engage their thinking part of the brain. That is where the third strategy "Engage, Don't Enrage" comes into play. Below is a video of Dan Siegel discussing this concept.
The fourth strategy is called "Use it or lose it". This is a strategy to help exercise the upstairs brain. How can you do this? You can exercise this part of the brain by reflection (journaling, talking out loud, etc.), secure relationships, expanding tolerance, mindfulness, and awareness. Therapy is a natural way to develop these skills, but as a parent, you can also help your child develop these skills by helping your children reflect about their day, teaching them deep breathing or other ways to calm down, and helping them to become more aware of their experiences.
Next month I will discuss more strategies involving developing the whole-brain child.
Thanks!
Jennifer Moyer-Taylor, MSW, LICSW
Next month I will discuss more strategies involving developing the whole-brain child.
Thanks!
Jennifer Moyer-Taylor, MSW, LICSW