April 2012-Parent Tip on Teaching Friendship Skills for Tweens & Teens
Teaching your tween or teen friendship skills is an essential part of parenting. One of the mistakes parents often make is assuming your child has this down and by now should know how to make & KEEP their friends at this age. Because of the drama, friendship shifts, increase in self-awareness, and other hormonal changes; guidance in this area is even more essential now.
The first key thing you will want to shore up is keeping the line of communication open with your tween or teen. This requires some solid, regular one-on-one time with your child where there is just "hang time" without any "teachable moments" or feedback. This is just you and him/her in the car, in their room at night chatting, while you are running an errand or just taking a break with a cup of tea/coffee/snack. Even if it is just 10 minutes a day, it will have dramatic results.
The second key is to not assume they know what makes a good friend. Ask your child "What do you think attracts friends?" "What pushes friends away?" Assess how they are doing in these areas. If there is a trouble spot, set small clear goals daily. Whether it is complimenting a friend, giving in to a disagreement, asking others questions, or helping three people. This will not only bolster their friendship skills, it will help them gain confidence.
The third key is to provide feedback if you do see them making some mistakes. Ask them "How would you feel if they did this to you?" "What else could you have done to make the situation go better and it could have turned into a win-win?"
Lastly, tweens and teens love listening to your stories about how you handled friendship issues. We may not always think of sharing our trials and tribulations, but kids really "lock into" our lessons learned. They love seeing their parent more human and can really gravitate and learn from your own solutions to friendship problems.
As always, if you need any support around friendship issues, please don't hesitate to call me or email me at 206-329-3260 X220 or [email protected]. There is a wealth of books on my bibliographies for parents and kids as well. There is also a list of friendship groups on my community and resources page.
Thanks!
Jennifer Moyer-Taylor
The first key thing you will want to shore up is keeping the line of communication open with your tween or teen. This requires some solid, regular one-on-one time with your child where there is just "hang time" without any "teachable moments" or feedback. This is just you and him/her in the car, in their room at night chatting, while you are running an errand or just taking a break with a cup of tea/coffee/snack. Even if it is just 10 minutes a day, it will have dramatic results.
The second key is to not assume they know what makes a good friend. Ask your child "What do you think attracts friends?" "What pushes friends away?" Assess how they are doing in these areas. If there is a trouble spot, set small clear goals daily. Whether it is complimenting a friend, giving in to a disagreement, asking others questions, or helping three people. This will not only bolster their friendship skills, it will help them gain confidence.
The third key is to provide feedback if you do see them making some mistakes. Ask them "How would you feel if they did this to you?" "What else could you have done to make the situation go better and it could have turned into a win-win?"
Lastly, tweens and teens love listening to your stories about how you handled friendship issues. We may not always think of sharing our trials and tribulations, but kids really "lock into" our lessons learned. They love seeing their parent more human and can really gravitate and learn from your own solutions to friendship problems.
As always, if you need any support around friendship issues, please don't hesitate to call me or email me at 206-329-3260 X220 or [email protected]. There is a wealth of books on my bibliographies for parents and kids as well. There is also a list of friendship groups on my community and resources page.
Thanks!
Jennifer Moyer-Taylor